Paint Me A Blue Sky
by BikerChick101
Summary: She was only 15 when she left and now she was 28 returning home, what could possibly go wrong?
1. Chapter 1

Serena sighed as she looked at all the papers on her desk, her grandmother, Cece, had passed on after a long battle with cancer, leaving a big part of her possessions to Serena, most of it for safe keeping but all of it requiring her signature.

"It's just two more pages and we're done," her lawyer said when he noticed Serena's exhaustion. "Just sign there as well," he said pointing to the extra spot that needed her attention.

"Why couldn't she have had less things," Serena mumbled looking through the last two pages before scrawling her signature onto the bottom of them and then where he pointed. "That's it? Are you sure?"

"I'm sure," the lawyer said chuckling as he inspected the pages, he then gathered all the paper and stacked them before putting the stack into his briefcase.

"Finally," Serena said leaning back in her chair and pushing her hair back.

"About the letter Miss Rhodes left?" he probed lightly, placing his briefcase on the floor and leaning in slightly wanting to know if his client and friend's last wishes will be fulfilled. "She was very adamant about wanting you to do _everything_ that she asked."

"I'm flying out to New York tonight, my mother is sorting out the rest," Serena told him, trying not to look as against the thought of going back to her childhood home as she felt.

"Serena, I'm talking about the second half of that letter," he said breaking out of his professional persona for a moment to let Serena know that he is an old family friend and he knows what her grandmother wanted.

"Can't I just ignore that part and say my tears smudged her words?" she asked with a nervous chuckle and the man raised an eyebrow and stared at her.

"I wouldn't suggest that, your grandmother just wanted you to mend ties with everyone you left behind in New York," he told her and Serena nodded and sighed, she knew exactly what her grandmother wanted, how sad her grandmother knew she was without them. "She knows you didn't want contact with them before and she agreed but she realized that you need them, it's time to make amends."

"I know, she went on about it enough when she was supposed to be resting," Serena said rolling her eyes and the lawyer laughed, Cece was a persistent woman even in her final weeks. "Don't worry, my time in New York will be spent taking care of her last wishes ... my grandmother was right, I need to do this."

"I know how hard this might be and I know there might be repercussions," he told her, holding eye contact with her to make sure that she was paying full attention to him. "If at any time you need representation, give me a call, I won't let you lose."

"That won't be necessary," Serena said shaking her head and laughing, she wasn't that worried about any legal representation for the weekend ahead. "I assure you, it won't come down to that."

"Very good," he said picking up his briefcase and standing up to adjust his suit, back in full lawyer mode. "I'll be in touch Miss van der Woodsen."

"Thank you," she said shaking his hand and walking him out of her office, closing the door and then leaning back onto it and sighing tiredly, it had been almost a week since her grandmother had passed away and it had been filled with lawyers and plans and secrets that needed to come out and crying and she was exhausted.

Serena pushed herself away from the door and walked to her chair so she could sit herself down and close her eyes for a moment. Her grandmother insisted that when she died her funeral should be in New York, her body to be buried in the family plot at the cemetery close to her parents and as far away from her ex-husband as can be managed.

Serena laughed at that request and at the horrific luck this family had with men, she barely knew her grandfather only because her grandmother refused to let him see them, he passed away before Erik was born so all she had were stories from her mother.

Her grandmother dated a few younger men when Serena was little but by the time Serena's mother went through her second divorce Cece had decided that men were too much work and it was time to move on from finding love and just focus on the business her ex-husband trusted her with.

Her mother's track record with men was well known, after her father had left them, there were too many boyfriends and 4 new marriages, only three of which Serena attended, and since then she's only seen her mother a handful of times, enough to know that her latest husband was one of her high school friends fathers and he had died. Since then she's been carrying on a relationship with her high school lover and Serena stopped listening because it all just got much too complicated for her to keep up with.

It hadn't been much different for Serena, she met the love of her life when she was in diapers and he was taken by her best friend by the time they were in pre-school. She realized too late that loving him the way she did would destroy her friendship and she left them both when she was 15, without a goodbye or reason. How young and stupid they had been. She'd had a few relationships in the past 13 years, nothing too serious, nothing worth thinking about.

Her cell phones ring jolted her out of her thoughts and forced her to open her eyes, she glared at her phone for a few seconds when she saw that it was her mother calling and then sighed as she answered the call.

"Hey mom," she answered putting her head back on the desk.

"Serena darling what time are you leaving the office? Your flight leaves soon," she said and Serena could picture her staring at her watch.

"I'm at the airport, call you when I reach New York," she said acting as if she was in a hurry so that she could cut this call quicker.

"Serena, I spoke to Mr. Gibbens, he told me he just left your office," Lily laughed and Serena groaned.

"I'm leaving as soon as the car gets here," Serena said rubbing her temples. "Bags are packed and everything, I'm on schedule."

"Yes I'd expect you would be," Lily said distractedly and Serena rolled her eyes, just another thing her mother says that she would never truly understand.

"Is Erik there yet?" Serena asked, out of everyone she knew she was going to see when she went back she was most excited to see her brother. Sure she saw him as often as his studies allowed but he was going to be her safety blanket in New York and it had been over a week since she last saw him.

"He reached yesterday, went straight to bed," Lily said and Serena could picture her mother rolling her eyes at his lack of communication. "And he woke up so late, he better not be doing that in college."

"He's doing fine in college mom," Serena said shaking her head and sighing. "Just let him be."

"Well darling, he's much too young for me to 'just let him be'," she said and Serena bit down on her tongue to stop herself from asking where these thoughts where when Serena was a child and her mother just 'let her be'. "I guess I can't complain too much, he's been doing well."

Serena nodded on her side of the world with an expression on her face that said 'duh'. "When you see him, tell him thanks for letting me know he reached," she said sarcastically, her brother didn't even send her a text to let her know he was in New York.

"You'll probably be here by the time I see him," Lily said and Serena held her giggle in, her brother hated being in the presence of their mother and grandmother for too long, they always managed to say something to anger him, no matter how much he loved them, he just couldn't handle them. "Everyone is excited to see you."

"Really?" Serena asked sceptically, although she was curious about how everyone handled the news that she would be flying to New York to be with her mother and brother for her grandmother's funeral and wake. "Are you sure you told them that I was coming to visit?"

"Yes of course, Charles wanted to have a coming home party for you, you know how he is," Lily said and Serena winced at the way she said Charles, it was so loving and motherly, so different from the woman she and Erik were exposed to growing up. "I told him it would be rude to have a party so soon after the funeral but I'm sure they'll still do something."

"And um ... and Blair?" Serena asked tentatively, she knew everything that happened in New York through the papers and social media, she knew Blair and Chuck were married, she knew they had a beautiful little boy but she didn't know anything about her best friend anymore, she felt horrible for missing so much of their lives but she couldn't have any contact with New York if she wanted to start fresh the way she did when she left.

"I haven't spoken to Blair yet but I'm sure she's thrilled," Lily said faking excitement and Serena knew that when Blair was told she either had no reaction or she made her plans not to acknowledge Serena's existence known. "Darling the caterer is calling, don't miss you flight, love you."

"But," Serena said but the call was already cut, she didn't have time to ask about him. Nate Archibald, she wanted to know so much, what he said when they told him she was coming home, if he's single, if he'd still love her the way she still loved him, even after 13 years of no contact, she thought it would fade but it only burned stronger.

Serena sighed as she looked at her watch and then frowned she had more than enough time she didn't know what her mother was going on about. Serena straightened up her desk and grabbed her bag to make sure she had everything for her trip back home.

She checked off all the things she would need for this trip home in her mind, her heart beating rapidly every time she imagined seeing all the people she left behind. There were so many questions that they were going to ask and so many hard conversations she knew she had to get through and there was one secret that she was terrified of revealing, she knew it was time, it had been hidden much too long, but the fallout of her secret might destroy her.

She wasn't entirely sure how her grandmother knew the things that she did but Serena had learnt long ago to just accept that nothing she tried to keep from her grandmother ever stayed secret. The old woman knew everything. Serena wondered why she didn't say something before but with knowing all her secrets, her grandmother also knew that she never wanted to talk about it and Serena was ok with that.

The door flew open and Serena was ready to scream at the person who just barged into her office when the door was closed but she stopped short and smiled when she saw who it was.

"Come on mom, we gotta go," she said crossing her arms and staring her mother down, her blond hair hung in waves to her waist and her dark blue eyes challenging her mother. Serena could see that she wanted to stay as serious as possible but she was itching to jump in the spot because she was so excited. "The car's waiting and I want to go to New York, finally."

"I'm coming, I swear you and your grandmother could be the same person with the way you nag me," Serena said earning a glare from her daughter, she smiled zipping up her bag and locking her office. For the hundredth time since being handed that letter containing Cece's request that she tell everyone the truth and be in New York for her funeral, Serena cursed her grandmother, she hoped that this trip wasn't going to be a mistake, after all 13 was a bad-luck number.

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><p><strong>AN : Hey guys I'm back, its been a really long time since I've posted I know I know, I was supposed to be working on the sequel to 5 years later and state of grace and I pretty much got a paragraph and then got stuck so maybe soon when inspiration strikes I can get back to that **

**This story has been something I've wanted to do for a very very long time, I've had the idea almost from the moment I started writing GG fanfics but I was never really able to write it out until now, I have a basic plan for this story and I've written a few chapters ahead but I keep scraping and rewriting so hopefully by the time I get to those chapters I'm more sure of how it looks**

**Anyway for now I hope you guys really like the first chapter of this new story**

**Until Next Time (^^,)**


	2. Chapter 2

Serena smiled as she looked out the window to see New York below her, she was only 15 when she left and now she was 28 returning home, she glanced at her daughter who was asleep on her shoulder, headphones still plugged into her ears. Not for the first time since she was born Serena wondered if it would have been better had she come back home to raise her and then thought better of it.

Her grandmother lived in an up market area, it was quiet and people generally kept to themselves, the parties were sophisticated like Blair wished the ones at home where and not as wild as the ones she went to with Georgina. Serena lived her life differently there than she would have in New York where she knew she would have succumbed to the pressure of living up to expectations of that world and the tempting party scene that she was always drawn to.

She wondered if Gossip Girl was still a thing, she unsubscribed after she left, refusing to check in on what everyone was up to, she wondered if Blair and Chuck would have still gotten together had she stayed or if her mother would have married Bart or not. If she and Nate could have found their way to each other.

There were so many different possibilities and she was going to drive herself crazy thinking about them. The plane touched down and was moving toward their drop-off point when Serena woke her daughter up, first she tried flicking her nose to which the girl just batted her hand away and continued sleeping, Serena then tried calling her name to wake her up, all that got was a 'hmm' and another snore. Finally when the passengers stood to exit Serena did as well laughing when her daughters head fell from her shoulder and she jerked awake looking around wide eyed and shocked.

"Mom that was mean," she protested picking herself up and taking the bag Serena handed to her. "You could have just shook me awake."

"Where's the fun in that?" Serena asked laughing and the girl glared at her. "Oh don't give me that face."

"Do we really have to be here?" she asked looking up at Serena, she was excited to come to New York for such a long time but she had also picked up on Serena's hesitance, it was like she could sense a change coming and she wasn't sure that she wanted it.

"What happened to the girl who was pushing me out of my office because she wanted to come to New York?" Serena asked, laughing as her daughter scowled at her.

"I want to be here, I'm just not sure if you want to and that makes me nervous," she said looking up at Serena and shrugging.

"I want to be here," Serena said, not entirely sure how true that was. "Grams wanted us all here."

"Grams was also senile and she always had a drink in her hand," her daughter replied and Serena gasped and laughed, tapping the girl on her head lightly as they walked. "Ow."

"Watch it," she said still giggling as she threw her arm around the child. "She might just haunt you for saying that."

"I'm not five," she said rolling her eyes. "I don't believe in ghosts."

"Oh yeah?" Serena asked as they stopped by the carousel to wait for their bags. "So which 12 year old was it jumping into bed with me 2 weeks ago because, and I quote 'There's something under my bed'."

"12 and a half," she said crossing her arms and Serena laughed and shook her head. "And that was a bad dream, it could have happened to anyone."

"Sure it could have," she said and the little girl huffed. "Go get our bags before a ghost grabs it."

"That was just lame," she said squinting at Serena when she picked up the two bags and handed them to her mother. "Horribly lame."

"I'm a mother, I'm allowed some lameness," Serena said leading them out of the crowd toward the line of drivers with names on boards. "Arthur, I didn't expect you to be here."

"Mr Chuck insisted Miss van der Woodsen," he said with a smile when she recognised Chucks driver. "May I?"

"Oh of course," Serena said handing him the bags and grabbing her daughters hand to follow. "Where is Chuck?"

"He is at Miss Lily's," Arthur replied as curtly as ever, leading them out of the airport. "He said to take you straight there," he said it as a statement but there was a slight questioning tone to his voice as if he might have gotten the wrong instructions.

"That's fine, we'll be staying with my mother for the weekend," Serena replied as he opened the door and waited for them to enter. Serena pushed her daughter forward so she could get into the limo but she was amazed by the limo that she refused to budge. "Come on honey, we have to go."

"Oh yeah, sure," she said with wide eyes and Serena shook her head and laughed when she finally got in. "Mom we're going to Grandma Lily's in a limo."

"It's like you've never seen one before," Serena said as Arthur closed the door and got into the driver's seat, raising the partition before they left.

"Yeah for those big parties grams made us go to but never for coming home from the airport," she half whispered.

"He can't hear you," Serena whispered back.

"Fine, fine, but mom I'm used to town cars and juice boxes, this is a limo with scotch," she said opening the cabinet and pulling out a bottle.

"Scotch that you look at because the bottle is pretty not for opening and drinking," Serena told her putting the bottle back, she expected the eye roll to come but the little girl was much too excited to really care what her mother was saying. "This is how I used to go to school sometimes when Chuck was early enough."

"Seriously? And you left all this for public transport every morning," she asked looking at her mother like she was crazy.

"I had you to think about and I wouldn't change that decision, New York is where I grew up and I love it but there's so much more that I wanted for you than this fast paced, dramatic life," Serena said wrapping her arms around her daughter. "You'll see what I mean."

"Do you miss it?" she asked tilting her head to look back at Serena. "Did you ever want to move back?"

"I do miss it but I'll only ever move back if you want to," Serena said pressing a kiss to her daughters head.

"I don't know ..." she said trailing off and Serena shook her head.

"We're happy where we are, we don't need to move to New York," Serena told her. "Grams left that place to you, it's your home."

"But this is yours."

"Was," Serena said looking out the window at the buildings. "I don't live here anymore."

The little girl smiled up at her mother and nodded content to just gasp at all the sights that her mother saw all the time at her age. They travelled a lot, but New York was out of bounds mainly because Serena didn't want the temptation to uproot her new life and come back home but also because she was afraid of Blair and Nate and Chuck and their reactions to who she'd become and why she stayed away for so long.

When the limo finally stopped Serena took her daughters hands in hers, "I know that this weekend is going to be hard especially since these people are strangers to you, so if at any time you want to leave just say the word and we're gone, ok?" Serena asked cupping her daughter face. "Grams will understand."

"Ok, same to you," she said nodding and Serena smiled at her baby's thoughtfulness, turning around in time to find Arthur opening the door for them. "It's so pretty."

Serena took a deep breath as she looked up at the block of apartments her mother now lived in, smiling at the awe in her daughters eyes she grabbed her hand and they both entered the building.

"This way," the concierge said when Serena told him who they were here to see. He led them to the elevator and pressed the button to take them up to the floor.

"Are you excited?" Serena asked almost jumping in her heels, she didn't know what to expect.

In the past 13 years she saw Chuck once when her mother, Erik and Bart visited about a year into that marriage, they've spoken through the years but not enough to be considered close. She hasn't had contact with Blair or Nate, she knows they tried at first but she couldn't see them, she kept herself just out of their reach and finally they gave up. For the past 7 or 8 years she's seen her mother every few months, never less than once a year but never more than thrice either, the only person she can still say she knows and talks to regularly is Erik.

"Do you think they'll like me?" her daughter asked and Serena could hear the nerves in her girls voice. "Grandma Lily's boyfriend and your old friends."

"They will love you," Serena assured her kissing the top of her head. "Ready?"

"Serena darling you're here," Lily's voice floated to them as soon as the elevator doors opened. "I'm so glad you made it."

Serena hugged her mother and looked around her. "Hi mom, where is everyone?"

"They're in the next room waiting for you," Lily said holding Serena by her shoulders when someone else caught her attention behind Serena. "Oh, look at you, you've grown so much since I last saw you, I can't believe you're 12 now."

Serena pressed her lips together to hold back her laughter when her daughter rolled her eyes as her grandmother hugged her. She was 12 and a half and she wouldn't let Serena forget that, the half mattered because it was that much closer to 13 and anytime anyone tried to say otherwise she would get so annoyed.

"Hi Grandma Lily," she said hugging her back quickly and letting go even as Lily held on.

"I thought I heard my favourite girls," Erik said and Serena smiled, hugging her brother quickly before her daughter got to him.

"Uncle Erik," she screamed running full speed into his open arms. He grabbed her and spun her around before setting her on the ground, Serena loved that her baby was close to Erik, she knew her daughter needed a male figure in her life, and who better than the most perfect boy in her life, her brother. "I was hoping you'd be here."

"Someone had to come and keep an eye on you and make sure you don't get into any trouble," he said tapping her nose and she laughed at him.

"I never get into trouble," she said straightening herself up and making it seem as if she were the most proper lady.

"Sure you don't," Serena said and the little girl turned to stick her tongue out at her mom.

Serena didn't realise they had migrated to the other room until the other occupants stood up, she gasped when she saw Blair standing next to Chuck, looking like every bit of the confident woman and mother Serena always pictured her to be and Rufus, her mother's boyfriend smiling warmly at her from the side of the room. Blair and Chucks little boy, Henry was asleep in his father's arms.

"Hi," she said waving awkwardly.

"Serena," Chuck said smirking, he hadn't lost that confident look about him, it just looked strong now instead of creepy like it had in high school. Serena took a moment to look at the little boy in her step brothers arms, he was perfect, dark head of hair and pouty lips, he was so close to what she imagined Blair's child to one day be.

Rufus waved back at her and then moved toward Lily, Serena looked at Blair and Blair stared at her, both girls not really sure what to say to each other and neither wanting to make the first move.

"Are you both just going to stand there and look at each other or is someone going to say something?" Serena turned to glare at her daughter when she spoke, cursing her brother for being there because she knew that if he wasn't close to her, she wouldn't have had the courage speak so openly.

"Serena ..." Blair said a little confused as she took a step toward her former best friend, looking not at her but at the girl standing next to Erik. "Is that...?"

"Blair, meet my daughter," Serena said putting her arm around her daughters shoulders and pulling her closer so Blair could look at her better. "This is Summer Charlotte van der Woodsen."

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><p><strong>AN : I'm so thrilled with the response to this story! I honestly thought I'd just be writing this for myself and one or two other NS fans who still like to read GG fanfiction but you guys are all amazing, thank you so so much for the wonderful reviews**

**So I spent a long time with deciding on Summer's name but finally I recycled the name used in Misguided Ghosts and I'm pretty happy with it, I'm excited about this story :D**

**As always please let me know if there are any mistakes and if you'd like to see something happen in the story :P I'm sure you have some questions, all will be revealed shortly, for those who know my writing you know how impatient I am to get to the point lol thats why my longest story is 20 chapters and even then I rushed quite a bit lol **

**I might not update next week because I have to finish my assignments before I go to The Fray concert next Friday! So I'm super excited about that, you have no idea, I will try to edit the next chapter and update before I leave but if I don't get around to it, as soon as I get back home I will do so**

**I do not own any of the characters except Summer**

**Please review and I hope you guys enjoyed this chapter**

**Until next time (^^,)**


	3. Chapter 3

"Van der Woodsen?" Blair asked furrowing her eyebrows. "Where's her father?"

"Not in the picture," Serena said as Summer dropped her head to look to the floor, Serena bit her lip at the tone of Blair's voice and looked toward her brother. "Erik, why don't you show Summ her room."

"Yeah, come on kiddo," Erik said bending down to scoop his niece up and make her laugh as he took her away.

"That was tacky even for you Blair," Serena said crossing her arms over her chest and clenching her jaw. "Whatever problems you have are with me not her."

"You come back into our lives after more than 13 years, with a _daughter_ and you expect me not to ask?" Blair asked raising an eyebrow. "Besides I just wanted to know why she didn't take her father's surname."

"You have a beautiful son Blair," Serena said sighing as she changed the subject, she was not going to get into that tonight, not yet.

"Thank you," Blair said furrowing her eyebrows, the Serena she knew would have gone on the defensive, attacking her for saying what she did. But the girl in front of her, this Serena, she was a mother, she was different, mature, she looked exhausted but she still held the charm of the 15 year old that left them all those years ago. "How old is she?"

"She's 12 ... and a half," Serena said with a half smile as she thought of the trouble she'd get into if she didn't add that part in.

"Did you leave because you were pregnant?" Blair asked her, still trying to figure out who she was now. "Or did you fall pregnant after you left?"

"Can we not do this now Blair," Serena asked taking a deep breath. "It's been a long week and I'm exhausted and all I really want to do is get into bed after that flight."

Serena turned before Blair could say any more and walked away, she found Chuck in the hallway on his way back to Blair, Henry still asleep in his arms.

"You didn't tell her about Summer?" she asked him, Summer was about 4 when Chuck came to visit so it was hard to hide her from him, she asked him to keep it a secret but she never expected that he would.

"As far as everyone here knows, we haven't spoken in 13 years, I know how to keep a secret sis," Chuck said raising an eyebrow, he started calling her sis after their parents got married but they'd spoken so little over the years that she's still not used to it. "Isn't that what you wanted?"

"Yes it was, thanks," she said. "Blair might kill you for it though."

"Blair just needs to get used to having you back here, it took her a long time to get over the way you left and you know how long she can hold onto a grudge," he warned gently and Serena smiled in thanks.

"I know I hurt her, I thought I was protecting her," Serena said and Chuck looked at her skeptically but nodded. "How is ... he?"

"You'll see soon," Chuck said knowing exactly who she was talking about and Serena didn't think she had the mental capacity to think about any of that tonight. "Night sis."

Serena waited until Chuck was out of sight before going into the room and jumping onto the bed next to Erik and Summer.

"What are you guys up to?" she asked making herself comfortable.

"We're playing thumb wars," Summer said concentrating on what her thumb was doing. "Uncle Erik is cheating."

"Me? Cheat? Never," Erik said grinning. "Tell her S."

"Erik? Cheat? Never," Serena said playfully and Summer huffed as she narrowly missed her thumb being covered. "You're on your own kid, I'm going talk to mom for a bit."

Serena kissed her daughters head and poked Erik's side before leaving the room to find her mother. She found Lily and Rufus in the kitchen of all places cooking.

"Wow, who knew you'd be helping out in the kitchen?" Serena asked amused and Lily laughed and looked up at her.

"Well darling when you date someone who refuses to hire a chef, you just have to learn," she said finishing what she was doing and rinsing her hands before turning to Rufus. "We'll be at the table."

"This whole domestic thing seems to be working well for you," Serena said when they sat down and Lily smiled sadly. "He's nice."

"Oh he is, I think you'll like him," Lily said reaching out to take Serena's hands. "Erik loves him."

"Tell me about him," Serena said, she was curious to know what was going on in her mothers life, what this man was doing to keep her in one place that every other man she's ever been with couldn't do, her own children couldn't do.

"Well I met him after high school," Lily said folding her hands together and resting her chin on them. "I followed his band around the country."

"Mom," Serena exclaimed laughing. "I didn't know you were a groupie."

"I was not a groupie," Lily said almost repulsed. "I took pictures when they were on tour, it was for a magazine I free lanced for."

"So what happened," Serena asked, enjoying this carefree side of her mother that she never saw.

"There came a time where I had to choose whether to come back home and go to college like my family wanted or stay on the bus with him and enjoy the music," Lily said taking a breath as if she wishes she could change her decision. "As you know I chose to come home, it was one of the hardest decisions I had to make, then of course I met your father in college, he was so charming and I fell in love, well you know how that ended."

"I do," Serena said, the wonder and excitement of the story her mother was telling left her for that moment as she repressed the memories and pain of that time.

"Bart and I were happy for a while and then it just went downhill," Lily said drawing Serena out of her thoughts and back to the story. "I met Rufus, again, when I was thinking of getting a divorce and it was like we were never apart, he was going through his own divorce and he had his two kids to think about. Bart died before we could divorce and I'm sure he knew of my affair but I don't think he really cared."

"Chuck could not have been happy about it," Serena said, thinking of the boy she knew when she was growing up. He may be changed now but back then he was just a few years out of high school.

"Charles and I fought, oh he hated me, he refused to be in the same room as I was," Lily said shaking her head as she recalled that time. "He was always drunk, pushed everyone he knew as far away from him as possible, the things he would say, it was so evil."

"But you're so close now," Serena said almost confused, she envied the relationship Chuck had with her mother, she always thought that it was an instantaneous loving of each other, she didn't think there was such a back story.

"We are, I had to build that trust with him," Lily said smiling and Serena knew that smile, it was how she smiled when she spoke about her daughter. "He ended up needing me to help him overthrow Bart's brother and from then on I just kept proving to him that I wouldn't let him down until one day he started trusting me completely and I became the closest thing he had to a mother."

"The Chuck I see now and the one I knew back in high school, are two completely different people," Serena said with a small shrug. "I like the change."

"A lot of it was because of Blair, that girl just latched onto him and refused to let him out of her sight until she was positive he wasn't going to drown in the deep end he'd just gone off," Lily said laughing. "And somewhere in that struggle, they fell in love."

"What happened to her and Nate?" Serena asked a little timidly not that Lily would notice that, she desperately wanted to know about him but no-one wanted to hand her the information, she had to keep asking.

"Nathaniel and Blair broke up for reasons no-one actually knew," Lily said looking up as if the reason would come back to her. "One day they were fine and the next they refused to talk to each other and that was it, Chuck and I weren't close at this point and the only reason I ever knew about your friends is because I'd hear whispering's from school girls who couldn't really whisper."

"Mother, didn't anyone ever tell you not to eavesdrop," Serena asked and Lily rolled her eyes.

"I spoke to Blair a few times about it when she visited Chuck, since you were gone and she and Nate were over, he was the only one she could talk to," Lily said trying to remember. "I know she told me they just weren't going to work out and it had taken her too long to realize that and he was the one who really ended it but she didn't elaborate on that."

"I wonder what it was," Serena said wincing at the thought of Nate telling Blair what had happened between them and if maybe that added to the anger Blair threw her way earlier.

"It must have been something big," Lily told her smiling at Rufus when he set down a tray of tea and pouring two cups for them. "They were such a perfect couple, Anne and Eleanor had their lives planned too, but now she's with Chuck and we have Henry and oh Serena when you see him awake tomorrow, he's such a sweet child, you'll just adore him."

Serena smiled sadly and looked down at her tea, her heart clenched in her chest as she thought of how her mother spoke of Henry and how she barely bothered to get to know Summer, how she didn't want her. It was feelings that she had long ago dealt with but she couldn't help the jealousy that bubbled up.

"Serena darling, you always say that you don't know who Summers father is but you have to have some idea," Lily pressed and Serena pressed her lips together to hold in a snippy comment that she knew would not help anyone. "After all, you fought me to keep her."

"I don't want to talk about this now," Serena said taking a breath.

Her mother looked at her, ready to argue her case as Summers grandmother. "But-"

"Tea," Summer exclaimed moving to sit on her mother's lap, even though she was much too big, so she could help herself to what was on the table. Lily looked at Serena to let her know that she wasn't done with this conversation and Serena hid her face in Summers hair. "Ahh too hot."

"Thumb wars are only fun for a little while," Erik said coming to sit with them.

"You're just saying that because you lost," Summer said smiling wide and sticking her tongue out at him before ducking behind Serena's hair when Erik glared at her.

"Enough you two," Serena said when Erik stuck his tongue out as well. "Erik you're a grown man."

"She started it," he said huffing and Serena rolled her eyes wondering how her grown brother could be this childish, in a way she always thought of Erik as her kid even though he was her brother, her dad left when he was just a few months old, their mom shortly after and Serena had stepped up to take on the role of mom for him especially being 7 years older, she raised him as well as she could, ignoring whatever nannies her mother might have sent, until she had her own baby and he chose to go to boarding school but he spent every holiday with her, she was always the first person he went to if he needed to talk, Summer and Erik acted like brother and sister most times instead of Uncle and niece and it felt right to her. "What are you guys talking about?"

"Mom was taking me down memory lane," Serena said resting her chin on her daughters head. "Filling me in on what's been happening."

"We'll go onto Gossip Girl later," Erik said pouring himself a cup of tea and Serena looked up at him shocked. "Yeah I know, I didn't think it would last that long either."

"Who's Gossip Girl?" Summer asked raising an eyebrow.

"No-one knows, it was an anonymous blog someone created when I was in High School, nothing for you to worry about," Serena told her, she glanced up at Erik and he smiled, they knew what they were going to be doing tonight.

* * *

><p><strong>AN : Hey guys heres a new chapter yey, hope you're still enjoying the story :D I've been writing as far ahead as I can and I've changed it so many times that when I re-read this chapter I got a little lost lol but please let me know what you guys think of it, Nate will make his appearance in the next chapter I think, the timeline here is a bit different from the show but I'll keep it as close as possible, just changing the things I have to.**

**So I went to see The Fray live last Friday and it was amazing, my cousins and I were in the back of an open van and it was freezing to get to the place and my hair was an absolute disaster when we finally arrived but it was worth it haha, those guys are absolutely incredible, their songs and the atmosphere and ah everything was perfect, I love The Fray! Do you guys like them? What bands do you listen to?**

**Ok back to the story lol, let me know what you think and if you want to see something specific that I can add, I've been watching alot of NS scenes online and I miss them so so so much **

**Anyway please review**

**Until Next Time (^^,)**


	4. Chapter 4

"I thought you'd be sleeping," Erik said sitting next to his sister and looking at the screen she had open, he was supposed to stay up with her to go through the Gossip Girl posts but he fell off to sleep early. "How far back did you go?"

"I just wanted to see what I missed," Serena mumbled going to the next post. "I started from around the time I left, the posts start fading when they were in college and then just stops at the wedding."

"The posts started fading after Gossip Girl realized she wasn't going to find you," Erik told her, he was surprised to see the site still up when he googled it for fun, he remembered how his sister hated getting texts alerting her to a Gossip Girl post when she was in High School, he still didn't know why someone would target her but then again he didn't think he ever wanted to understand a teenage girls mind. "Well she knew where you were but no-one had any pictures or news, it was like you weren't getting into any trouble anymore and after a while everyone else's lives just got too boring for her."

"How do you know all this?" Serena asked and Erik shrugged.

"I talk to Chuck sometimes," he said like it explained everything.

"Well she documented Chuck, Blair and Nate's life enough for me to have an idea of what's been happening since I've been gone," she says closing the site and putting her laptop away.

"So what did you find out?" Erik asked leaning back on the couch and staring up at the ceiling.

"Most of the posts are about Chuck and Blair, their relationship seemed to shock Gossip Girl as well," Serena said giggling. "They were always on the same wavelength with the scheming and stuff, it's really not that big of a surprise if you think about it."

"I don't remember," Erik said shrugging and Serena nodded. "It was only after high school that I came back here."

"You were in boarding school since you were 8," Serena said almost gasping at the fact that she let that happen, Summer was 12 now and she couldn't imagine sending her away. "You should have stayed with me."

"And Grandma?" Erik asked raising an eyebrow at her. "No thanks, you had a good relationship with her, she just scared me."

"You would have gotten used to her," Serena said laughing as she thought of how her brother and grandmother refused to get along, she was obsessive when it came to cleanliness and proper behaviour and Erik was a little boy who wanted to dig around in the dirt and refused to sit still for any period of time.

"Maybe, but I don't regret going to boarding school," Erik told her. "Besides you had to deal with Summer, I didn't think protecting your little brother was something you should have had to deal with too."

"But I like protecting you," Serena said teasing and Erik laughed and nudged her. "Well at least I see you every weekend now."

"What did you find out about Nate," Erik asked, knowing that was what his sister was looking for.

"Not as much as I hoped for," Serena said sighing. "He kept the lowest profile, there were posts about him and Blair together and then little posts trying to figure out why they broke up, Gossip Girl said he cheated and then him with Chuck and Blair at their wedding in that final post, with another 'Where is she?' heading."

"I haven't seen much of him since I've been here," Erik says. "I know he's Henry's godfather."

"Chuck just said I'll see soon," Serena said sighing. "And mom didn't even speak about him, I don't know how to feel about this lack of information from the one person I actually want to know about."

"S, I know you really want to know about Nate," he says carefully. "Is there a reason why?"

"He's just the only person I don't know about," Serena said standing up. "I'm going to sleep, I'm going to show Summer New York and all our old hang outs tomorrow, you should come."

Serena kisses the top of his head and goes to her room and gets under the covers when she feels her bed dip and someone snuggle up behind her.

"You're supposed to be asleep," she said turning to let Summer rest her head on her shoulder.

"I was waiting for you," the little girl said. "Couldn't sleep alone."

"Scared of the ghosts," Serena asked teasing her and she could feel her girl frown.

"Moooooooom," she whined sleepily. "Who was the lady that asked about my dad?"

"Blair, she was my best friend," Serena said, wishing she hadn't hurt Blair as badly as she knew she had. "We were friends since we were babies."

"She's kinda mean," Summer said shrugging and Serena shook her head and smiled.

"She's just angry that I left without saying goodbye," Serena said rubbing Summers back lightly. "Once she gets over it, you will love her."

"Did you leave because of me?" Summer asked softly and Serena felt her daughter's body tense at the thought of being the reason for her mother uprooting her life.

"No, I made the decision to leave before I knew," Serena said honestly. "When I found out about you it made me sure about my decision."

Summer nodded against Serena and Serena could tell sleep was finally taking over. "Do you know who my dad is?" came the whispered question the little girl never asked before and Serena was naively hoping she never would.

"Yes," Serena said softly, she didn't want to keep this from her daughter any longer, she couldn't, when no response came, Serena looked down to see her fast asleep and she laughed, of course her daughter would ask such an important question and then fall asleep before she heard he answer.

She always maintained that she didn't know who Summers father was but she did, she knew from the moment they told her she was pregnant and she couldn't imagine not going through with that pregnancy. She didn't want anyone to tell him about Summer, she didn't want to risk losing her baby. As the years went by she found it easier to just say that she had no idea and people came up with their own theories, at first they made her angry but most the time they were so far away from the truth that Serena could live with it.

* * *

><p>"Mom look," Summer squealed throwing more bread into the water where the ducks were fast approaching her. "There are so many of them."<p>

"Blair's house keeper, Dorota, used to bring us here to feed the ducks when Blair was having a bad day," Serena said smiling as she handed her over excited 12 year old the rest of the bread in her hands. "It became a tradition even after we got old enough to bring ourselves here when she was upset."

"What did you do when you were having a bad day?" Summer asked smiling widely when the ducks started eating what she'd thrown to them. "You said this was Blair's thing, what was your thing?"

"Urm well, another friend of ours, Nate," Serena said smiling automatically when she said his name. "I'd usually call him and we'd go for ice-cream to this shop that was open 24 hours and we used to talk about silly things until I felt better."

"Am I going to meet him?" Summer asked and Serena nodded and looked back out at the water. "I feel like having ice-cream."

"We can take a walk to the shop when we find Uncle Erik," Serena said laughing at her scatter brained girl. "It's close by, I wonder if it's still open."

"Where did you live before you went to LA?" Summer asked curiously and Serena smiled, she was all questions today, every place they went to sparked alot of questions about her childhood and stories that she'd long forgotten. "Howcome I don't know this already?"

"Because it never came up, come on let's start walking, I'll tell Erik to meet us there," Serena said sending a quick message to Erik while Summer said her goodbyes to the ducks. "We can come back later."

"Can we get a duckling?" she asked and Serena shook her head no, there was no way she was getting a duck as a pet. "Please, please, please, please."

"You can't take care of a goldfish, what makes you think you can take care of a duck?" Serena asked throwing her arm around Summer and pulling her close as they walked.

"Goldfish are too needy," Summer said waving them off. "I just need to throw some food in for the ducks and they'll be fine."

"You couldn't do that for the fish," Serena said incredulously and Summer frowned. "You'll be bored with it within a week, no ducks, maybe a dog, I wouldn't mind a dog, I'll take care of it if you forget."

"Grams would scold us if she could hear us talking about taking a dog into her house, although she'd probably scream louder for the duck," Summer said giggling and Serena smiled, her grandmother was not an animal person, too messy and too needy, she always said. "I miss her."

"I know you do baby," Serena said pressing a kiss to the top of her daughters head. "I do too."

"Why are we stopping?" Summer asked clearing her throat when her mother pulled her to a stop.

"My old room used to be right up there," Serena said from the spot where she could clearly see the building where she used to live. "I had an amazing view of the park and if you just turn a little and look right up to the penthouse, that is where Blair used to live, those where the two places I spent most of my time at when I wasn't at school."

"Mom we need to go see your school," Summer exclaimed and Serena laughed and nodded.

"We need to?" Serena asked, and Summer nodded enthusiastically as they continued walking. She wanted to visit the school as well, just to see how much they'd changed over the last decade but she didn't need to.

"Yes, I want to see where you went," Summer said. "Is it like my school?"

"It's a school, they're all pretty similar," Serena said thinking about the school Summer went to. "Except our classes were split, the girls went to Constance Billard and the boys to St. Jude's but we shared the same courtyard and sports grounds."

"Do you think your old teachers will still be there?" Summer asked bouncing as she walked alongside Serena.

"Doubtful," Serena said thinking back to her old high school. "They were all old bats, probably all retired or dead by now."

"Mom," Summer exclaimed giggling. "You aren't allowed to scold me if I ever tease my teachers."

"Probably should have thought about that before I said it," Serena said slapping her forehead dramatically.

"There you guys are," Erik called and both girls spun around to find him coming toward them with three huge pretzels. "Best pretzels in New York, or so the board says."

"Food," Summer said like she hadn't eaten in such a long time and Serena shared a look with Erik before taking her pretzel from her brother.

"What did you feed her?" he asked looking from his niece to his sister.

"Nothing," Serena said and Summer glared at her uncle. "We were actually going to go for ice-cream at that place between our old apartment and the townhouse."

"She doesn't need any more sugar," Erik said throwing his arm around Summers neck and pulling her to him. "She's hyper enough."

"When in New York," Serena said rolling her eyes because as the parent, she was supposed to stop the sugar and Erik was supposed to sneak it to her.

"That's when in Rome S," Erik told her and Serena glared at him, she knew the phrase. "Why are we taking her all the way there?"

"Because that's where mom and her friend, Nate used to go when she was feeling sad," Summer informed him and Erik raised an eyebrow.

"Really?" Erik asked staring at Serena knowingly and she shook her head at him.

"Yep, let's go," Summer said enthusiastically grabbing Erik's hand and leading him in the direction they were going toward before like she knew exactly where she was going.

"Serena?" a confused voice called and Serena whipped her head around quickly, she squinted as the glare of the sun hit her and then gasped because the boy they were just talking about was making his way to them. "I can't believe it's really you."

Summer turned sharply when Serena grabbed her hand and she and Erik frowned at Serena for a moment before looking to where she was looking, some guy was coming toward them, Erik and her mom seemed to know who he was but she was confused.

"Nate," Serena breathed out, a smile gracing her face at seeing him and finally it felt like she was home.

* * *

><p><strong>AN : Yeah I know I know but there's more of Nate in the next chapter hehe I feel like I'm dragging this story a little or trying to anyway, I've added a few filler chapters that makes the story that much longer, if you guys find that too annoying let me know but I'm enjoying focusing on other things before getting to the main point of the story, if that makes any sense at all**

**The vampire diaries season 6 is coming out tonight and I don't really know how to feel about it, on the one hand I want to see Paul Wesley, on the other most of the last 2 seasons made want to just stop watching **

**Anyway enough of my ramblings, I hope you guys enjoyed this chapter, please review and let me know what you think**

**Until Next Time(^^,)**


	5. Chapter 5

"You're back, in New York," Nate said taking her in. "When did you get here?"

"I landed yesterday," Serena said letting go of Summers hand and taking a small step closer, bringing her arms across her body so she could hold her elbows. "It's been a while."

"13 years, give or take a few months," Nate said smiling. "You look good."

"So do you," Serena said biting her lip, he was older, different, confidant, the past 13 years were good to him. Serena looked down to find his hands stuffed in his pocket and sighed because she couldn't see his left ring finger, while her bare finger was on display.

"You're Nate?" Summer asked piping up from behind her, Nate nodded glancing over to her and Serena froze forgetting that her daughter and brother were right there. "We're going to the ice-cream shop you used to take my mom to when she was sad, do you wanna come?"

"Mom?" Nate asked, his eyes snapping from Serena, back to the little girl that stepped up to stand next to her, looking at her properly. "You have a daughter?"

"Yeah," Summer said slowly like the fact that she called Serena mom should have been obvious. "Summer van der Woodsen, nice to meet you."

"van der Woodsen?" Nate repeated her surname wearily shaking the girls outstretched hand and giving Serena a bewildered look. "Nathaniel Archibald, nice to meet you too."

"I don't think I can say that name," Summer said thinking about it.

"It's ok, you can just call me Nate," he said smiling at the girl, who reminded him of Serena when she was younger. "Only my mother and Chuck call me Nathaniel anyway."

"So do you wanna come with us?" she asked grinning and Serena gently cupped her arm so Summers attention will go to her.

"Summ, I'm sure Nate has other things to do today than sight-see with us," Serena said nervously finding her voice again and Erik snorted. "Maybe next time."

Nate looked at her curiously but nodded his head. "I am meeting someone here now but that place is still open and still awesome, you should check it out, maybe next time I can come with," Nate said before turning toward Erik. "Little Erik van der Woodsen, last time I saw you, you were 8 years old and trying to get into the candy cupboard."

"Oh yeah I remember that," Erik said laughing at his need to have anything sweet when he was a child, it didn't matter where it was he would find it and get to it. "How've you been Nate?"

"Good, good, how long are you in town for?" Nate asked, his attention back on Serena, occasionally flickering to Summer.

"Just for the week and if Summer here decides she wants to stay for the rest of her vacation then we'll see," Serena said tugging on the girls hair and Summer squished her nose.

"Well I should leave you guys to carry on," Nate said stopping when someone came to stand next to him. "Hey," he said kissing the new woman and Serena swallowed and waited for the pain in her chest to pass. "Guys this is my girlfriend Lola, Lola this is Serena, Erik and Summer."

"Hi," Lola said smiling at them tightly and then looking to Nate before walking away.

"She's having a bit of a crises, we'll see you guys tomorrow," Nate told them before turning and sprinting off to where Lola was still walking away from them.

"Well she was rude," Summer said and both Serena and Erik turned to look at her. "What? You were both thinking it."

"Come on kid, let's go get you that ice-cream," Erik said touching his sisters shoulder as he walked with his niece.

Serena stood for another moment watching Nate and Lola's retreating backs and she sighed, it's not as if this weekend was going to be complicated enough, now there was a familiar looking girlfriend involved.

For a moment Serena was focused solely on trying to figure out where she knew Lola from and then it all stopped as her heart caught up with her brain and all those feelings for Nate she thought would fade once she saw him burned just as bright as they had when she was 15 and trying not to love her best friends boy. When she looked at him he was all she saw, no-one else existed, he looked happy to see her, she thought he might be like Blair but he was fine, probably because he had Lola and he'd moved on while she ran away, had a daughter and couldn't move on because she couldn't let him go.

When they were finally out of sight Serena turned and walked faster to catch up with her daughter and brother, wrapping an arm around Summer's arm and holding onto her for comfort like she'd done since the girl was born.

"Mom?" Summer asked looking down at the way her mom was holding her hand and then up at her frazzled mother. "Are you ok?"

"Yeah honey I'm fine," Serena said squeezing Summer's arm gently and looking away. Summer gave her a quizzical look before turning back to Erik and continued trying to tell him all the reasons her mom should get her a duck as a pet.

* * *

><p>"What's the story with you and Nate," Summer asked once they were back at Lily's, relaxing in Serena's room, Serena shot Summer a surprised look and wondered how long she was itching to ask that question. "Well when you make it that obvious, you can't expect me not to notice."<p>

"She does have a point," Erik commented and Serena glared at him but kept her mouth shut so Summer turned to Erik. "I was still a kid so I might have this all wrong but Nate was at the house all the time, not only when Blair was there and Blair was his girlfriend at the time."

"Really? Wasn't she your best friend?" Summer asked and Serena put her hand over her face. "Mom, no wonder she was so mean to you."

"Erik you are doing a horrible job of telling this story," Serena said tilting her head to the side and looking at Summer. "The three of us were best friends since we were in diapers, he and Blair started dating when we were young but they were both my best friends, I gossiped with Blair and goofed off with Nate."

"The sexual tension did not look like goofing off," Summer grumbled and Erik burst out laughing while his sister stared at her daughter. "What'd I say?"

"Where did you even learn that?" Serena asked having another moment where she realized her kid was not a baby anymore.

"Lauren says it all the time," Summer said waving it off.

"Remind me again, who is Lauren?" Erik asked, still laughing at his sisters expense.

"Red head, had a major crush on you," Serena replied and Erik winced. "Still does, I think."

"You should stay away from that girl," he said shivering. "She creeps me out."

"Seriously though mom, you and Nate," Summer asked staring at her mother and Serena sighed and looked away.

"Like you said he was my best friends boyfriend," Serena said shaking her head. "And I left before a possibility of something could happen."

"I don't believe you," Summer said squinting at her mother and pointing to her eyes. "It was all in the eyes, there was and still is something there."

"Yes and now that something is Lola," Serena said and Summer's shoulders dropped and she frowned at the mention of Lola. "She looks familiar."

"You know her?" Erik asked raising an eyebrow. "Coz I got that feeling too but we only saw her for a second so I couldn't be sure."

"Yeah maybe it's just my mind playing tricks on me," Serena said sighing. "We should probably get some sleep before tomorrow."

"Mom wants us up early," Erik said and Summer groaned. "Rufus' kids are gonna be here in the morning to meet us."

"Well as long as they aren't anything like Clause with a C's kid, I think we'll be fine," Serena grumbled, he was a teenager and she was about 10 and he tormented her and blamed everything on her and of course her mother took her boyfriend's word over her daughters.

"I don't remember him," Erik said, scratching his chin.

"You were like 2 or 3 and we only met him twice," Serena said shaking her head, it was about the same amount of times they'd met Claus.

"Who's Claus?" Summer asked, curiously when no-one actually mentioned who he was to them. "And why do you say with a C."

"Clause with a C, his name starts with a C, was grandma Lily's first long term boyfriend after she and my dad divorced," Serena said laughing. "Klaus with a K was her second or third husband, I forget the order."

"Wow she's been married alot," Summer said scrunching her nose.

"Yeah she has but don't let her hear you say that," Erik told them getting up to leave the room and switching the light off. "G'Night."

* * *

><p>The next morning went fairly well, she met Dan and Jenny the next morning and Dan's fiancé, Vanessa and learned way more than she needed to about how they were in the same school from Dan's rambling, Vanessa eventually stopped him but Serena didn't mind, he wasn't that bad.<p>

He was a writer, Vanessa was a film maker and Jenny was a fashion designer or just a seamstress now but she was working for it, it all seemed so exciting compared to Serena's office job that she took over a few years ago. She always wanted to get into modelling and photography like her mother, she even took a few courses in photography but she was never really sure so when Cece got sick she was more than happy to take over.

It was a short service, with the bare minimum people in attendance. Serena wasn't sure that was what her grandmother would have wanted but her mother assured her it was.

Chuck stayed close to Lily and Blair close to him, her mother's sister Carol was there as well which Serena thought was weird since she'd never seen the woman before aside from pictures, she didn't go to her mother's after so Serena didn't get the chance to talk to her. Nate was at the back, away from everyone with Lola. He caught her eye a few times and smiled comfortingly. Serena had Summer glued to her side for as long as she could, the only way she felt she was going to get through the day was if she was there, her comfort blanket.

Most people came straight to the house afterward, some gasping when they saw her, some whispering and pointing, some people looked at her like she was just a memory, all she was expecting, all the while hoping that Summer didn't notice.

"This dress itches," Summer said trying to adjust her dress as inconspicuously as possible coming to stand next to her mother when they were back at Lily's apartment. "Can't I go change?"

"Grandma Lily wants to show you off a little first," Serena told her, watching as her daughter tried to scratch her back but her hand wasn't reaching. "Would you stop that?"

"I don't know why she's showing me off now when she didn't the last 12 years," Summer mumbled as Serena discreetly found the pin that was giving Summer so many problems and pulled it out.

"I wouldn't take it personally, Summ," Serena said patting her daughters back when she was done. "But if you really want to complain to someone, Uncle Erik is standing right there."

"Hey look Nate's here," Summer piped up with a huge smile on her face and Serena's heart started working overtime and she looked up to find Nate and a very frustrated looking Lola walk in. "Oh and look, he brought her."

"You could try to sound a little more sincere," Serena said nudging her daughter and Summer just shrugged, and Serena beamed with pride, yeah that was her kid.

Blair caught Serena's eye a few seconds later and she smiled but not one of those genuine Blair smiles that she missed so much, this was a smile Blair had saved specifically for when she was up to something and she knew a secret that no-one wanted her to know. Serena took a deep breath and held it in for a moment as Blair's eyes flickered to Summer and her heart sank.

"Honey, I'm going outside, go stand by Erik or Jenny if you don't want to be alone," Serena said, Summer and Jenny became easy friends that morning and she always wanted to trouble Erik. Summer looked up at her mother curiously and Serena shook her head. "I'm fine, I just need some fresh air."

As soon as Summer left her side Serena fled the room, the look in Blair's eyes wasn't one she wanted to see until she spoke to her family but it told her everything. She knew.

* * *

><p><strong>AN : Hey guys heres the next update yey lol I know theres still not an over load of Nate but he's finally in the story now haha**

**Thank you for all the wonderful reviews, I love reading your comments of the way I'm writing this, I know there are a few people that aren't that happy about the speed of this but just bare with me, I'll get to the point eventually lol**

**Guys I have written a chapter or 2 ahead of this but now I'm stuck, so if the next few chapters come out a little slower I apologize, theres alot that I need to think about to make sure it gets to the end properly**

**Please review and let me know what you think**

**Until Next Time (^^,)**


	6. Chapter 6

Serena stepped out onto the balcony and dropped to the floor as soon as she got the sliding door closed, her heart was beating wildly and her legs were jelly and she was cursing her dead grandmother for wanting everything to be in New York. She shouldn't have come back here, she and Summer could have done something in LA, New York was filled with memories and heartbreak and an irrational need to be more.

She let out a fast breath of air as she thought about what she was going to do, she really wanted to just pull Summer out of New York as fast as possible and forget this weekend ever happened but she knew that wasn't possible. Her grandmother had a backup plan to reveal secrets Serena knew needed to be told if she herself chickened out. The fact that she knew Blair knew, meant that she was out of time to be the one to tell her loved ones what she needed to.

There was a noise from the side of her and she looked over to see little Henry peeking out of her mother's room entrance to the balcony to look at her, hiding his face when she looked at him. Serena smiled and looked away again, watching the little boy look at her again from the corner of her eye and giggle when he was caught. She played the game with him a few more times before scooting closer and waiting for him to come to her.

"Hi I'm Serena," she said smiling at him. "What's your name?"

"Henry," he said softly.

"That's a very nice name," Serena said and the little boy smiled. "How old are you Henry?"

He seemed to think about it for a moment before holding up his hand and spreading his fingers so she could see them.

"Five?" she asked and he nodded. "Really?"

"Mommy says I'm small for my age," he told her when she looked at him sceptically. "Who are you?"

"I am Grandma Lily's daughter," Serena told him, remembering her mother telling her what he called her and Henry looked up at her confused. "I was your mom and dad's friend when they were little."

"Really?" he asked sitting up straighter and gasping. "You knew them when they were my age?"

"Yep, we used to have a lot of fun," Serena told him.

"Do you know Uncle Nate too?" he asked and Serena smiled automatically.

"Yes, I did," she said clearing her throat. "The four of us were very good friends."

"I never saw you before," Henry said looking very confused.

"I've been away for a long time," Serena said smiling.

"Are you back now?" he asked and Serena let out a breath.

"No," she told him gently. "I'm just here for a little while and then I have to go back home."

"Oh ok," he said looking down at the floor and Serena wanted to tell him that she'd stay for him. This little boy had never met her before but he sounded so sad to know that she was going to leave.

"Henry, there you are," a voice came from behind them and Serena tensed, looking outward to the city. "Come on buddy, your moms looking everywhere for you."

"I found your friend Uncle Nate," Henry told him proudly getting up from his spot next to Serena and walking to his uncle. "And she said she was mommy and dad's friend too."

"Really?" Nate said feigning surprise and the little boy nodded yes. "Why don't you go find your mom and tell her all about it? She's in the lounge where you're supposed to be."

"Ok," he said as Nate dusted the dust from the little boys pants. "Bye Serena."

"Bye Henry," she said turning back to wave at him before he scampered off to find Blair. "He's adorable."

Yeah he is," Nate said coming to sit next to her. "Chuck and Blair's pride and joy."

"Chuck and Blair," Serena said laughing to herself and thinking about who they were now and who they used to be when she knew them. "How did that happen?"

"Well ... I really have no idea," Nate said chuckling and scratching his head. "It just happened and I think everyone was against it, even they were against it but they couldn't fight it and it was probably the best thing that could have happened."

"Don't get me wrong, I love what I've seen so far of Chuck and Blair but I guess I just always thought you and B would still be together," Serena mentioned because that formed such a big reason to why she stayed away all these years and Nate shrugged as if she was missing something. "You don't agree?"

"Henry seems pretty taken by you," Nate said changing the subject and Serena sighed and shook her head, both relieved and annoyed at not getting an answer. "He doesn't usually like new people."

"I'm pretty sure that if Blair had her way Henry would be throwing dirt at my face every time he saw me," Serena mumbled looking away from him and Nate laughed.

"She's just mad that you haven't spoken to her in years and hurt that you avoided her when she tried to reach out," Nate told her. "Blair Waldorf-Bass does not forgive easily."

"She never has," Serena said sighing.

"She forgave me for our break-up," Nate said scratching the back of his head. "Just give her some time and have one of those famous Blair and Serena fights and it'll be like no time has passed at all."

"I wish it were that easy," Serena said looking at Nate. "It's been over a decade, there is so much for us to fight about that I don't think it would be resolved until we're grandparents."

"There's that," Nate said. "You're also both mothers and 13 years more mature than the last time you had problems so maybe it will be resolved faster than that."

"You still have that undying optimism," Serena commented and Nate laughed and dropped his head slightly. "I thought after everything that happened to you, you might have lost it."

"How do you know what happened to me?" Nate asked.

"Gossip girl," Serena told him and he rolled his eyes and shook his head, that was one thing he was glad to be rid of. "And I might have googled you once or twice," she admitted sheepishly.

"That would have turned up some interesting stuff," Nate confirmed bobbing his head up and down as he nodded, his family was all over the news for what seemed like years at one point. "Since I couldn't google you, what have we missed, besides the fact that you have a daughter."

"Summer," Serena said with a smile. "She's basically been my life since I found out about her, there's really nothing else to tell."

"Really?" Nate asked tapping his chin like he was thinking of something. "Did you study after school?"

"I did a few photography courses nothing too long," Serena told him grinning. "You?"

"Grandfather decided on law," Nate said frowning at the choice. "I didn't actually have any other career paths in mind so I went with it."

"I took over from my grandmother in Rhodes Corp," Serena said and Nate looked at her impressed. "I don't do much, I just make sure no-one screws up."

"Still that's a pretty big position," Nate said nodding and Serena smiled and blushed. "What happened to photography?"

"I had to travel alot and I couldn't do that to Summer," Serena told him shrugging, she didn't regret it but sometimes she wondered if Summer would have been fine tagging along when her mother travelled. "What happened to sailing the world on 'The Charlotte'?" she countered.

"Have you met my grandfather?" Nate asked and they both laughed, Serena never knew how anyone said no to that man. "I still go sailing sometimes, clear my head."

"I remember planning the places we would visit on your world tour, because of course I would be there too, I remember we planned it for the year after high school, we were going to take a gap year," Serena said giggling and Nate nodded. "And then Blair would tell us that there was no way that would happen because if we took a year of we would never get back to studying."

"She was right," Nate said thinking about it, it was hard enough getting back into study mode after the holiday before school started, he didn't want to think how much harder it would have been if he took a year of studying. "As usual."

"It was nice to dream," Serena said taking a deep breath and sighing, she dreamt about that made up trip alot when she was younger.

"So, no husband?" Nate asked nudging her and Serena rolled her eyes, that was as subtle as Nate got. "Or bad boy boyfriend?"

"Bad boy boyfriend?" Serena repeated laughing. "I didn't only date bad boys."

"I distinctly remember the guy with the bike," Nate said and Serena shook her head, that guy was an artist and aside from the bike he was annoyingly good. "And that one with all the tattoos," he said and Serena made a face, she couldn't disagree with that one. "And of course, Carter Baizen."

"I think Chuck could have killed me for that one," Serena said and Nate agreed, Carter was not Chuck's favourite person in the world so when someone from his closest group of friends started dating him, Chuck was furious. "If I remember correctly, you were a fan of his."

"He was like this cool older guy who gave me weed," Nate said laughing, Carter and Serena's relationship, if you could call whatever they had one, definitely changed the way Nate looked at him. "I haven't heard from him since you left, did you run away with him?"

"He's not Summer's father if that's what you're hinting at," Serena said laughing at him, she would have loved for Carter to been her escape but when she cut ties with New York, he was cut too. "What about you? And Lola, when did that happen?"

"Lola?" Nate asked like he didn't remember who she was talking about and then cleared his throat because that was an awkward slip of memory. "Yeah, she was working as a cater waiter at one of Blair's parties, Blair almost had a fit when she saw me helping her."

"Yes Nate you were a guest," Serena said mockingly and Nate glared at her. "You're not supposed to get your hands dirty."

"_Anyway_ we found out she was working that job until she was done studying that year, she's pretty cool," Nate said thinking of things to say. "Not at all like what you saw the other day."

"You said it was a crises," Serena remembered, raising an eyebrow at him. "Everything sorted out?"

"I'm not entirely sure," Nate said looking at her as if to judge her reaction to what he was saying. "Her mother is back in town-"

"You don't have to say anymore," Serena said cutting him off, when her mother came to LA to see them she was also on edge and tight-lipped all the time. "I can relate."

"I still can't believe you're back after all these years," Nate told her. "You know at first when you left I was so angry, especially after the way we left it and what was said, then when I realized you weren't coming back I was sad and a little scared and when we tried looking for you and you avoided us I was angry again but that had a lot to do with Summer, didn't it?"

"It did," Serena said sucking in a sharp breath. "It's not that I didn't want to see you and Blair because I missed you so much, it's just that there was so much more at stake and I didn't know how to deal with it, I still don't."

"I'm just ... After all that wondering about where you were and what was going on with you, I'm just really glad you're ok," he told her and Serena blinked back tears because she was expecting all kinds of anger from him. "That wasn't supposed to make you cry."

"I know, I ... You're too good Nate," she said softly wiping her eyes and shivering as she thought about the news she was about to deliver. "I have to tell you something about the time I left and you can't hate me, ok?"

"Serena?" Nate said her name slowly and curiously, standing up because she did and waiting for her to speak.

"Just promise me you won't hate me," she said letting out another breath and Nate furrowed his eyebrows but nodded because t looked like that's what she needed to continue. "I was going to come back to New York, I was ready to face everything that happened but then I got sick and when my grandmother took me to the doctor I found out I was pregnant and I decided then that I was going to keep the baby and I couldn't come back home and no-one could know about her."

"I know this Serena," Nate said almost reaching out to her but she continued to pace, not even registering the worry on his face.

"Nate the baby I had, Summer," Serena said swallowing and telling herself again that this needed to happen. "She's your daughter."

"What?" Nate asked, but the voice that overlapped his was younger and much higher. Serena spun around to see Summer staring at them with wide eyes and her jaw hanging open.

* * *

><p><strong>AN : dun dun dun ... Hey guys here's chapter 6, a little later than I would have wanted it but I was studying and posting fanfiction just completely slipped my mind**

**This chapter was sort of a starting point when I started this story but it was completely different, for one thing Nate was a very angry person in the original draft and when I read through it again I just hated it so I rewrote everything, added them meeting him at Central Park in the last chapter and I found their almost light hearted NS interaction so much better, I hope you guys agree :)**

**I seem to have hit writers block and I'm still a little worried about the direction I'm taking this story but your reviews are so amazing and inspiring and I love reading every single one of them, thank you so much for your thoughts**

**Guys Blake Lively is pregnant! This baby is going to be so gorgeous and Blake has that pregnancy glow and ah I'm so happy for her**

**Anyway please review and let me know what you think**

**Until Next Time (^^,)**


	7. Chapter 7

"Mom?" Summer asked stepping further onto the balcony, searching her mother for an answer.

"What are you doing out here honey?" Serena asked pushing her hair back. "I thought you were going to stay inside with Erik or Jenny."

"You didn't come back inside for a really long time," Summer said before tilting her head so she could look around Serena to Nate. "And then that lady, Blair, she told me something and I had to ask you about it."

Nate had his jaw clenched, his entire body was completely tense, his eyes kept fluttering from Serena to this little girl standing next to her, the one who was a replica of Serena but if you looked for it looked so much like him too.

"What did she tell you?" Serena said, getting a little angry about what Blair could have told Summer and wondering what Summer had heard when she came onto the balcony and if she should just tell her now or speak to Nate first and then talk to Summer when she has it all figured out herself.

"She said you knew who my dad was," Summer said, her voice breaking and Serena tensed as her daughter looked up at Nate. "Mom?"

Serena heard the desperation in her daughters voice for her to say that she has no idea what Blair was talking about but she couldn't lie to her straight out, she could feel Nate staring at her as well. "Honey, come here," Serena said holding her hands out to the girl and she stared down at them with tears in her eyes.

"You knew who my dad was this whole time?" she asked incredulously and Serena nodded and reached out to wipe the tears that slipped down Summers face only to have her hand batted away. "And you didn't tell me?"

"Summer," Serena started but the 12 year old cut her off.

"No mom," she said taking a step away from her mother and backing up against the wall. "Ever since I knew I was supposed to have a dad I wanted to know who he was and you always stood by the fact that you didn't know and I believed you because you would've told me the truth, I knew you would have, so I didn't ask because it made you sad when other people asked and you're my mom so of course you knew that I wanted to know."

"Baby-"

"But you knew who he was all along and you didn't tell me," Summer said wiping the tears rolling down her red cheeks. "We tell each other everything, how could you not tell me this? Didn't you think it was important enough? Didn't you think I could handle it? I'm 12 years old, I'm not a child anymore."

Serena let her head drop for a moment, she was supposed to tell Summer in her own time, she was supposed to talk to Nate first, to judge where he stood. She knew none of this was going to be easy but she was a fool to think she could control the circumstances regarding it.

"Is what you said just now true?" Summer asked staring at Nate, who just stood there, watching her. "About him?"

"I am ... I'm your ... your dad," he said as if still testing out the term and Summer stared at him shocked for a moment, watching him the way he was watching her before she turned to stare at her mother.

"Let's go inside and I will explain," Serena said reaching out to her daughter again.

"No, I don't want to go inside," Summer screamed turning to Nate and glaring at him. "Did you know? Did you not want me? Is that why she didn't tell me?"

Serena's heart sank as she listened to her daughter try to make sense of this by protecting her and blaming Nate for her secrecy.

"I had no idea," Nate told her quietly and Serena could hear the shock in his voice, how he stared at Summer in awe because she was his daughter.

Serena swallowed when Nate turned back to her and pressed her lips together for a moment as she gathered herself. "I can't do this," Summer said before Serena could speak, turning and running past Erik who had come to see what was going on. Erik shot his sister a worried look and ran after his niece.

Serena blew out a breath and wished she never returned to New York for the millionth time since she walked of that plane. "You had a life ahead of you, you had dreams and you had such high expectations from your family and if I told you I was pregnant you would have given it all up for me and the baby in a heartbeat and I couldn't let you do that."

"So you just decided to hide her from me?" Nate asked glancing back to the door where she just disappeared. "She's ... she's ... Serena she looks-"

"I know," Serena said nodding. "I think we need to get inside and explain to the rest of the family and I need to find my girl and, and ..."

"She's my girl too," Nate said and Serena bit her lip to stop the tears. "There's no way you're keeping her from me again."

"Ok," Serena said nodding, there was so much that still needed to be said and done but she could agree to this without putting up a fight. "Ok."

"God Serena what were you thinking?" Nate asked looking just about ready to scream.

"I had to keep her," she said and Nate rubbed his face. "And I couldn't mess up your life for us."

"Just stop," he said holding up a hand. "No more excuses, I don't think I can listen to them right now."

"Nate-"

"Tell Summer I'll be in touch if she decides to speak to you again," he said walking past her. "We'll talk if _I_ decide to ever speak to you again."

* * *

><p>Serena stormed back inside once she had composed herself and walked straight to Blair, hooking their arms together and smiling tightly at everyone watching as she pulled Blair away from Isobel.<p>

"What the hell is your problem?" Serena asked, her voice dangerously low once they were alone.

"What the hell is yours?" Blair asked. "You pulled me away from a very important conversation."

"Oh I'm sure talking to Isobel about her handbag was riveting," Serena spat out. "You had no right to tell Summer what you did."

"You're right Serena, you were supposed to," Blair said tilting her head. "She has every right to know, I was being a good aunt and telling her the truth."

"That was not your decision to make," Serena said, tears springing to her eyes. "Did it ever occur to you that I was going to tell her on my own time? When things were calmer?"

"Did it ever occur to you that you were taking too long?" Blair retorted, frustrated with Serena. "There was no better time and I was not about to let Nate miss out on knowing who his daughter was."

"The better time would have been anytime after today when she attended the funeral of her great grandmother," Serena said and Blair's smile dropped, she wasn't thinking of that. "I know how long I took and I need to explain that to her but I needed to tell Nate and judge if he wanted her before I let her down."

"You actually had a doubt in your mind that Nate would turn her away?" Blair asked, twisting her mouth. "Who are you?"

"I didn't doubt it but I had to be sure, she's my daughter, I had to be sure," Serena said desperately and Blair clenched her jaw at the look on Serena's face, the need to protect her child. "Now she's gone and she's probably never going to talk to me again because she didn't find out from me."

"You should have thought about that Serena," Blair said shaking her head. "You were coming back to New York, where secrets spill out before you can blink and friends betray each other without warning, or don't you remember?"

"How did you even find out?" Serena asked rubbing her forehead.

"Look at her," Blair said. "Sure she looks like you at first glance but if you really look at her, all she is, is Nate, I know what happened before you left, I just had to put it together."

"You still shouldn't have said anything to her," Serena said. "She shouldn't be in the middle of whatever war we have here."

"She deserved to know, you can't blame me for telling her a truth that you hid from her," Blair said crossing her arms. "I don't know what you expected when you pulled me in here Serena, but if I were you I'd be more focused on what you're going to say to her to make her forgive you."

* * *

><p>"Erik, I need to know that she's ok, just call me when you get this, please," she begged as she left her brother yet another message. She paced her room nervously as she waited for any news at all, she would have gone searching for Summer herself but she knew that Erik would be right behind her and the 12 year old would need as much space from her mother as possible right now.<p>

"Sit down let's talk," Lily said barging into her room and shutting the door, Serena raised her eyebrows at her mother but continued to pace, even as Lily sat and watched her. "Do you want to tell me what happened this afternoon?"

"Not particularly no," Serena mumbled looking at her phone again.

"Well you're going to tell me anyway," Lily said crossing her legs. "I want to know why my granddaughter ran out of here in tears and why Nate stormed out not too much longer than that."

"I wouldn't know," Serena said shaking her head.

"Considering it's your daughter darling, I expect you to know," Lily said harshly and Serena turned to glare at her mother.

"Yeah like you knew what I was thinking when I was 12?" Serena asked raising an eyebrow, she didn't speak to her mother about those forgotten years, she didn't think she wanted an answer but right now all it sounded like was her mother judging her about how she was raising her own daughter and she couldn't stop herself.

"Serena," Lily sighed and Serena shook her head she didn't want to talk about it, she didn't want explanations from her mother, she just needed to know that Erik was with Summer and that they were safe.

"I don't even care mom," Serena said throwing her hands up and letting out an exhausted breath. "All you need to know right now is that she's angry with me and I just want to pack her up and leave."

"You can't leave yet, you've only been back 2 days," Lily told her, Serena's original plan was just to stay the weekend and just decide with Summer if she wanted to extend that after she met Nate but now she just wanted to leave. Even though she knew that there was no way that was going to happen.

"And look at how well that has gone mom," Serena said checking her phone again. "Everyone is either annoyed that I'm back or pissed at me for leaving and now my daughter is angry at me and going back home is not going to fix that."

"Serena _this_ is your home," Lily tried and Serena shook her head.

"It was my home, I left and now it's just a place I grew up too fast in," Serena told her jumping when her phone buzzed. "They're coming back up."

"She's confused and scared and not really sure what's going on right now," Erik said smiling softly at his sister when Summer raced past them and slammed her door. "She didn't tell me anything, I think she wants to talk to you first, so do you wanna fill me in on why I spent my afternoon running after a 12 year old."

"I told her who her dad was," Serena mumbled and Erik looked at Serena with a raised eyebrow.

"Oh," he said nodding and scratching his chin.

"Oh? That's all you're going to say?" Serena asked giving him a shocked laugh. "You knew?"

"Well I figured it out when I saw Nate standing there looking like he was going to faint," Erik said and Serena cringed. "I just thought you would have told Summer before that, you knew this was going to happen."

"Yeah, that seems like the theme of the day," Serena said pinching the bridge of her nose. "I just thought I could come here and see everyone and show Summer where I grew up and then tell then when the time felt right and run as far away as I could."

"You knew you were coming to New York right?" Erik asked nudging her and Serena groaned. "There's no way anything you wanted to keep secret was going to stay secret."

"I hate it when you're right," Serena mumbled and Erik grinned, he loved it.

"I usually am," Erik told her.

Serena nudged her brother and then looked back at the closed door. "Time to face the music."

"She'll understand your reasons," Erik said and Serena smiled at his encouragement. "She's forgiving like that."

"Hopefully she takes after Nate like that," Serena said smiling and opening the door carefully. Summer was lying on the bed, her back to Serena but Serena could see she was awake.

"I know you're angry with me," Serena said taking a breath. "There are things that you need to understand, when you decide you're talking to me again, I will tell you but just know that I love you so much."

* * *

><p><strong>AN : I'm so late with this update I know, I'm sorry, especially after the way I left it, but guys look, new chapter lol**

**If you've been reading these authors notes you'd know that I've been very unsure about the direction that I was taking this story in, so I've scraped that idea and deleted everything, because I was getting nowhere, I have a better idea of what I'm doing now but the time between chapters might just be this long every update until I find the time to write ahead**

**Ok I hope that Nate and Summer and Serena's reactions were believable and that Blair's involvement was also in character**

**Please review and let me know what you think, and thank you so much for those wonderful reviews in the previous chapter**

**musicalblairs - ah i knew I was missing something when I wrote the Serena and Henry interaction! Him introducing himself in the Chuck Bass way would have been perfect **

**Anyway Until Next Time (^^,)**


	8. Chapter 8

"She's still not talking to me," Serena told Erik the next day as she stared at her daughters closed door. "Maybe I should go in there and make her talk to me."

"What happened to the 'I'll let her come to me' attitude?" Erik asked his sister. "It's only been a few hours."

"I know but I had too much time to think about it," Serena told him. "That was a terrible idea."

"She's not in there anyway," Erik mentioned taking a long sip of his coffee and looking at his sister out of the corner of his eye.

"What?" Serena squeaked, speed walking to the door and throwing it open to find the room empty."Where is she?"

"Well Nate called this morning," Erik said carefully, watching his sister start to freak out internally. "He spoke to her and they decided that they wanted to get out of the house," Erik said, Serena bit her lip and smiled sadly because she and Erik both knew they wanted to get away from her. "I think he just took her for breakfast."

"And you couldn't have told me this?" Serena asked throwing her arms up. "I need to know where she is Erik, she doesn't know New York, what if she needs me?"

"Relax, she has her phone and she has me on speed dial," Erik said holding up his phone and giving his sister a sympathetic smile. "S, you told her something really huge yesterday, both of them, and it's going to- no, it has already changed everything, so you need to realize that and find a way to explain and get them to forgive you."

"I didn't do it to hurt them," Serena said sitting on the bed and pressing her fingers to her head. "Why did Blair have to tell her?"

"You can't blame Blair either," Erik said and Serena glared at her little brother but she knew he was right. "I'm just saying, I admit it was a sneaky move but you know as well as I do that no matter how she found out this would have been the result."

"But then I would have been the one to talk to her," Serena said groaning. "Now it's just going to be so much harder, I should have told her before we came here."

"Then why didn't you?" Erik asked, he always had Nate in his mind when he thought about Summer's father but he figured his sister really wasn't sure who Summer's father was and that's why she didn't tell the girl.

"I wanted to, every time I looked at her I wanted to, but then I thought of Nate and how he shouldn't have to give up his life because of what we did," Serena said and Erik frowned at her.

"That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard," Erik said rolling his eyes. "Nate wouldn't have thought that way."

"I was 15 Erik, I didn't know how else to think," she said feeling as if something was caught in her throat and Erik walked over to sit next to her. "Then it just got harder to explain why I didn't say anything and she didn't even ask but grandma decided that it had to be done instead of her finding out a few years down the line and having our relationship become like ours with mom and I don't want that."

"Grandma was a smart woman," Erik said nodding. "I don't think Summer is at the age where you have infinite chances but she's not at the unforgiving years yet either, tread carefully."

"Thank you," Serena mouthed. "She's safe with Nate, so I think I'm going to go for a walk, and re-evaluate every life decision I've ever made."

"Don't get lost," Erik called as his sister stood up and walked out of the room, leaving him to sigh and shake his head after her wondering how someone so smart could get herself into such a big mess.

* * *

><p>Summer sat awkwardly at the table looking down at her hands on the table and fiddling with her thumbs. She always just wished that maybe one day she'd meet her dad and when she did, she always thought it would be perfect and they'd hug and talk and laugh and be thick as thieves and play little pranks on her mom.<p>

She didn't expect them to just sit in silence, commenting on the weather or the food. Where were all the questions he should have for her, didn't he want to know who she is? Was he as nervous as she was? There were so many things she wanted to ask him as well but she had no idea where to start, how would she even phrase the questions to ask her newly found father?

She looked up at Nate who seemed to be studying her and looked back down again, she didn't know how to hold eye contact with him, without feeling like she had to say something. Her eyes were always darker than her mother's and now she finally knew why, she could pick out other little things about the way he was and looked, she got excited every time she did because even though she'd never met him, she was still a part of him.

"I always thought you'd be a drug addict or a really bad guy," Summer said softly, biting her lip as she looked up at Nate and looked down again, picking at the last bits of her pancakes. "I thought if mom was really lying about not knowing you, at least she'd have a good reason for lying to me."

"I'm sure she had her reasons," Nate said, a little smile making its way onto his face as the little girl, no, _his_ little girl made conversation with him, even if it was to tell him she didn't have very high hopes for him.

"Why are you protecting her?" Summer asked almost whining as she huffed and crossed her arms letting go of her fork and letting it clutter onto the table. Of all people who would try to convince her that her mother had her reasons for keeping this secret she never thought the man in front of her would be one of them.

"Your mom is alot of things but vindictive is not one of them, at least not from when I used to know her," Nate explained hoping that the 12 year old will understand. "I don't want to protect her but I believe her when she said she thought she was protecting us by doing this."

"How?" Summer asked exasperated, her parents were driving her mad, she didn't even have the time to get excited that she now thought of both parents not just her mom.

"I don't know," Nate said heavily amused by the child who was growing more and more frustrated with every answer, the smile on his face didn't help either. "But when you go back to Lily's I think you should talk to her, just trust me on this."

"Not even my dad for one day and you expect me to trust you that much," Summer said huffing and crossing her arms, the comedic effect of how light hearted that moment was considering the topic of conversation hit them both at the same time and Nate reached over to make a shushing motion to stop their loud laughs when people started looking their way.

"Now that we've broken the ice, I think we should leave before we get kicked out," Nate said grinning as he motioned to the waited and Summer nodded in agreement. "I have a feeling we might have a few more laughs like that."

"So you really think I should talk to mom?" Summer asked standing up and stretching, she wasn't used to waking up this early and she felt stiff. "I don't want her to think I'm ok with her keeping this from me for so long."

"I don't think you will be for a while but it won't hurt," Nate said guiding her out when he was done paying. "Plus I think that you miss her already, you two don't fight very often, do you?"

"Little things, we get on each other's nerves sometimes," Summer said crossing her arms to hold her elbows in front of her body as they walked. "This is the longest we've gone without speaking after a fight."

"Your mom loves you," Nate said, there were moments since he found out where he thought Serena was the most heartless person he'd ever known but there was no doubt that she loved Summer with everything she had. "Not everyone has that relationship, just look at her and your grandmother."

"Are you like that with your mom?" Summer asked, suddenly curious about this other grandmother that could exist.

"I have a ... different kind of relationship with my parents," Nate said thinking of a way to explain it without making his daughter run the other way. "We speak often enough, I wonder how she'll react to the fact that she's a grandmother."

Summer looked at Nate's amused face and wondered who his mother was and if she'd like being a grandmother to a 12 and a half year old, its questions like this that had been going through her head the whole night that she wished she could let go of her anger toward her mother and just go ask her for answers. "Can I call you dad?" Summer asked, till this moment she hadn't needed to call Nate a specific term, not even to get his attention, but that was the main question running through her mind.

Nate stopped dead in his tracks and stared at her, Summer swallowed nervously, tensing up slightly as she waited for his answer.

Nate was overjoyed, he was trying to find a way to ask her to call him 'dad' since that morning when he saw her, she was just like Serena, asking questions he hadn't fully formed in his mind or gathered enough courage to ask. "I'd like that a lot," he said smiling, his heart warming as she relaxed and smiled wide as well.

* * *

><p>"Summer is back," Lily said when Serena walked through the door, she looked up startled at her mother, not expecting her to speak until Serena was well into the room.<p>

"Yeah, Erik texted me when she got back," Serena said walking further into the room toward her mother.

"So Nate is her father," Lily said, looking at Serena like this is something that she should have been informed about. "I would say I'm surprised but it always confused me that he chose Blair over you."

"How'd you find out?" Serena asked dropping her bag onto the counter.

"When Nate brought Summer back about half an hour ago and she introduced him as her dad," Lily said shrugging slightly. "Imagine my surprise."

"Mom I would have told you sooner," Serena started but Lily held a hand up and shook her head.

"Erik explained that you wanted to speak to the main ones involved first," Lily told her. "Did your grandmother know?"

"Not because I told her," Serena said shaking her head, her mother only asked that so she could judge how much Serena told her Cece. "I don't know how she found out."

"Well your grandmother always knew things as soon as it happened," Lily said sighing. "It's one of those things I learned to live with as a teenager."

"Nothing got past her," Serena said smiling as she remembered her grandmother.

"Serena, darling," Lily said looking down at the ground and biting her lip as her expression became serious. "I want to talk to you about the circumstances around Summers birth and our relationship at the time."

"Can we talk about it some other time?" Serena asked shaking her head because she felt drained. "I just ... I think the next emotional talk I have needs to be with Summer or Nate or I'm going to lose it."

"Serena," Lily started but stopped at the look on Serena's face, choosing instead to nod and let it go for the moment, she's put of this conversation for such a long time, what's another 13 years.

"So, Summer called him dad?" Serena asked choosing to focus on that little bit of information.

"She did," Lily said grinning because her granddaughter was so excited at using the term to introduce him. "She gave him a hug and made him promise to take her out on the boat soon, I don't think I've ever seen her smile so much."

Serena looked down and smiled to herself, there was so much she could have done differently, that she should have done differently, telling Nate about Summer was definitely the first thing on that list. "I'm glad."

"Darling," Lily said gently reaching out to take Serena's hand in her own. "She'll come around, she loves you."

Serena smiled and squeezed her mothers hand, for all the times that she wasn't around and she wasn't a mother, Serena was so happy that she was trying now. "So I saw Aunt Carol at the cemetery," Serena said changing the subject. "She left quickly though."

"How did you even recognize her?" Lily asked with a laugh and Serena shrugged, she'd seen enough pictures to know who the woman was. "I was surprised she showed up, she cried, sat close to me and then decided she had a family emergency and rushed off, I'm not really sure what to make of it."

"How long has it been since you've seen her?" Serena asked smiling at her mother's annoyance.

"It was about the time that Erik was born," Lily said frowning deeply. "She just sent emails, didn't visit your grandmother once and all off a sudden she's acting like she was here all a long."

"You think she's up to something?" Serena asks watching the way her mother spoke.

"Oh I know she's up to something," Lily said sighing. "I just need to figure out what it is."

Summer clears her throat when she appears at the end of the hall and looks at Serena just as she's about to reply to Lily. She's standing awkwardly looking from her mother to her grandmother and shuffling her feet as she finally settled her gaze to Serena, before turning and walking back to her room.

"I think that means she's ready to talk," Serena said staring at the spot her daughter was just at.

"Well you said the next emotional talk you have will be with her," Lily reminded her and Serena smiled tiredly and nodded. "Good luck darling."

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><p><strong>AN : So this is possibly a very disappointing chapter or just a starting point to recovery, I've written and rewritten this chapter quite a few times and in the first few drafts Nate and Summer were not involved in anyway but after a while I sort of figured that I needed them to have a conversation as awkward as the one they had was lol and I actually liked how that turned out**

**I wanted Summer and Serena to have a full chapter for the talk they needed to have but I didn't want it directly after the last chapter so this is a filler just to cushion against all the angst if that makes sense, I'm really glad you guys are enjoying it**

**Thank you guys for all the reviews, I love reading your thoughts on evil Blair and where I'm taking this story **

**nite255 - I've been thinking of ways to bring Nates family into this since it started haha but I do want to, so maybe in the next few chapters I can fit them in :P**

**Please review and let me know what you think **

**Until next time (^^,)**


	9. Chapter 9

Serena walked into Summers room to find her curled up against her headboard, picking at the side of her comforter.

"Hey," Serena said gently, shutting the door and walking further into the room. Summer looked up at Serena but didn't make any other move to acknowledge her presence. "Grandma Lily tells me you had fun with Nate today."

Summer nodded and bit her lip, Serena sighed and took a seat in front of her daughter and waited for another response, sighing when she didn't get one.

"You're really not going to talk to me at all?" Serena asked and Summer looked up at her and shrugged and Serena figured that's about as good as it was going to get for the moment.

Serena didn't know what exactly Nate told her but she knew Summer was waiting for her side of the story so she had to start talking.

"Ok, so Nate, Blair and I were best friends since we were born," Serena started, she might as well tell this story from the beginning. "We met Chuck when we were four and Blair decided she was going to marry Nate when we were five."

Summer raised an eyebrow at the age but she didn't say anymore, so Serena took that as her cue to continue.

"Erik was born when I was 7 and my dad, your grandfather, left us maybe 3 or 4 months after that," Serena said clenching her jaw and closing her eyes for a beat before continuing. "Grandma Lily didn't stay around for much longer after that, I saw my mother maybe once or twice a year and as you know I haven't seen my father since, I hated nannies, which is why you never had one, I used to pack Erik up in his stroller with whatever we needed and go to Nate or Blair's houses, they were the only people I trusted then."

Blue eyes shifted up to look at her curiously and Serena smiled sadly, she hated talking about her father or the time he left, it was easier to be angry at her mother for everything because she was there, she came back, with her father it was just a memory that she was upset with, a ghost that she couldn't touch.

"Erik and I told you how many times Grandma Lily got married after that," Serena said and Summer nodded wearily, looking like she needed to talk to her grandmother to verify that. "Well she brought home her first husband when I was about 9 and I threw the biggest fit, I refused to accept it but they didn't stay around long enough to really matter and they divorced a little while after that."

"Was that Claus with a C?" Summer asked and Serena almost smiled as her daughter spoke to her, letting her know that all hope wasn't completely lost if she was paying attention.

"No, she didn't marry Claus with a C, he was just her boyfriend before this guy," Serena said and Summer nodded slowly and looked at Serena to carry on. "Klaus with a K, was marriage number 2, I was about your age and didn't like that one anymore than the first but I only met him once at their wedding and then never saw him again."

Summer pulled her knees closer to her body and bit her lip as she stared at her mother.

"By the time my mother married for the third time, I was almost 14 and just realizing that I was in love with my best friend's boyfriend," Serena explained and Summer sucked in a breath, Erik joked about it when they were telling her about Nate but it was another thing hearing her mother say it. "I also realized that doing certain things got my mother's attention enough that she'd have to stay in town with us longer than 5 minutes."

"What things?" Summer asked curiously and Serena frowned as she thought of a way to explain this to the 12 year old.

"By doing things my mother didn't want the public to know," Serena said and Summer frowned at her, Serena could almost see the argument that she was supposed to lay everything on the table during this talk. "Ok you have to know that I was 14 and looking for attention, my friend Georgina and I got fake ID's and we started drinking and clubbing, when he was in the mood, Chuck joined us a well, it was reckless and stupid and thankfully we came out of that period relatively unscathed."

Summers frown got deeper and Serena almost had the urge to reach over and smooth her forehead and tease her about getting wrinkles but thought better off it, all that would get her was a glare and her hand slapped away.

"Blair and Nate were my 'protectors' you could say, they took care of Erik and I after my ... wild nights," Serena told her, wincing as she thought back to how she did the same thing to Erik that their mother did when she left him with her friends. "A lot of times Blair didn't know what to do with me, so I spent much more time with Nate then I did with Blair and after a while I thought that maybe he felt the same way about me that I felt about him."

Summer nodded like she understood and Serena took a breath and hoped that the girl she raised was ready to handle her past and the things that Serena wished she could change.

"The summer I left, Nate and I spent most of our holiday together since we were the only ones of our group in New York, Chuck's dad had him helping out in the business and Blair's parents took her to Paris," Serena said noting how Summer's eyes lit up at the mention of Paris, some of her classmates had been the year before and she was dying to go soon as well. "We went to a wedding a few weeks in and I convinced him to get drunk with me."

Summer bit her lip and took a deep breath, mimicking her mother. She knew that it had gotten to the point in the story where her mother told her about when she found out she was pregnant.

"I realized who I betrayed by the time I was sober, I left town as soon as I could, I didn't say goodbye to anyone, Grams wasn't a big part of our lives but she was the only person I could think to go to," Serena said looking down and pushing back the emotion she still felt when thinking about that time. "I started getting sick about a month after and that's when I found out about you."

Summer smiled slightly at the smile on her mother's face when she spoke about finding out about her. "Why didn't you tell him?" Summer asked softly, asking what she really wanted to get to and Serena didn't need to ask who he was to know Summer was asking about Nate.

"We were both 15 years old, we were still children ourselves, lost, confused children, that day we spent together was perfect and I could have pretended that we were a couple forever but it was just a dream, as far as I was concerned he loved me but he was in love with Blair and he had obligations to his family and dreams to travel the world," Serena said thinking of ways to explain it so that it made sense. "I didn't want him to give them up for us like I knew he would have, I didn't want to hurt Blair anymore than I knew I had, I didn't want him to wake up one day and resent us for ruining his life."

"If Blair didn't tell me that you knew, would you have ever told me?" Summer asked and Serena nodded. "Because she seemed more than happy to fill me in if you didn't tell me."

"And Blair and I are probably going to fight about that a few more times," Serena said and Summer raised an eyebrow. "The reason I agreed to bring you to New York _was_ to tell you about Nate and who he was and tell him who you were, that day at Central Park he caught me off guard and that didn't seem like the place to tell either of you so I waited and yesterday when I spoke to him I told him, I wanted to get his reaction before I brought you into it but you came in as I said it and I had no control over it."

"You know some warning would have been nice," Summer said crossing her arms. "Like in the plane on the way here or maybe when we were talking about him after we met him, mom."

"Summer I know that you're angry at me for keeping this from you but I need you to know that I thought I was doing the right thing," Serena begged.

"How?" she asked with tears in her eyes. "He's my dad and he would have been happy to be my dad but he doesn't know me."

"Ok, look at me," Serena said gently, pushing herself closer to Summer and take her hands. "When Grams told me I could live with her I jumped at the chance, I didn't want to face Blair after what I had done and I didn't want to see Nate after I just left, I was a coward and after you were born I was terrified that if Nate found out then he or his family would try and take you away from me and I couldn't handle the thought of that because I love you more than anything in this world and as more time passed, I just kept delaying this moment because I was terrified of what you and Nate would think of me for keeping this secret."

"Mom," Summer started and Serena nodded and ran her fingers through her daughters hair, relieved when her hand wasn't batted away.

"For the longest time, I convinced myself that I was doing the right thing," Serena said tilting her head. "I know that it was wrong of me to keep you away from each other no matter the reasons and I know that I can't give you back the years that you lost with him and I can't even begin to tell you how sorry I am for that but I was blindly protecting both of you the only way I knew how and I will always protect you, no matter what."

Summer leaned forward so she could hug her mother, burying her face in her hair. "I want to hate you for this."

"I know baby," Serena said holding the girl as tight as she could to herself. "I'm so sorry."

"I'm still mad with you," she mumbled and Serena almost laughed but hid it as best she could.

"I wouldn't expect any less," Serena told her, pressing a kiss to her head.

"This was really selfish of you, mom," Summer said gripping the sides of her mother's shirt. "You should have told us, we could have met years ago."

"I know," Serena said as Summer let go of her and pushed herself back away from Serena, wiping her eyes and uncurling her legs. "I know," Serena whispered to herself again watching Summer adjust herself.

"He told me he wants to introduce me to his family," Summer said looking up at her mother nervously, meeting new people always made her nervous, especially if she felt that these people were expecting something of her. "I don't think I'm ready."

"I'm sure even he wants some time to get used to this before introducing you to everyone," Serena said with a smile as she realized that the reason for this quick truce was that Summer was confused about what to do and just needed her mom, it made her happy that even after her betrayal, her daughter still thought like that.

"What are they like?" Summer asked biting down on her lip. "The Archibalds?"

"I don't really know," Serena said and Summer looked up at her even more nervous than she was before. "I doubt you'll meet any of them, I never did, you'll meet Anne, Nate's mother, her side of the family, the van der Bilts ... she's a little like grams was."

"You're making me really look forward to meeting this lady," Summer told her dryly and Serena rolled her eyes, there's the sarcastic little girl she left LA with. "Maybe I should just get to know him before I think about another crazy grandmother."

"Good idea," Serena said smiling, it wasn't over yet, this little talk she had with Summer was just the beginning, there were more talks to get through, with Summer and everyone else she left behind, but this was the start.

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><p><strong>AN : I have gone over this chapter so many times, its not even funny, it is at this point that I am stuck lol but I have some time now after my week of big exams so I think I can write now and hopefully the inspiration hasn't completely abandoned me **

**I am so so so sorry for the delay in getting this chapter out, its just been a little stressful with exams but they are almost over so yey **

**Serena and Summers talk was very important to me and I am really happy with the way this chapter came out, I hope you guys like it as well and I promise to try and get Nate and Serena in the same scene again soon lol but this story is very much about Serena and Summer, so I hope you guys aren't getting too frustrated with me for focusing so much on them**

**Thank you so so much for the reviews on the previous chapter**

**I really hoped you liked this chapter, please review and let me know what you think**

**Until next time(^^,)**


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